omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
