talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
