Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
