I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize