Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
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