I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
