I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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