and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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