CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
