Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
