Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize