Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
