They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The air was thick with penises
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
