He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize