The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize