are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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