its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
