Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
