I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
