I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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