I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
