Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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