u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
