it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize