the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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