There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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