i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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