There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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