i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
