I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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