You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
