I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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