stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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