drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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