I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
