I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
