if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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