yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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