she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize