she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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