He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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