This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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