I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
