if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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