No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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