Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
