I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I touched a dick in church today
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize