You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
