i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
