New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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