i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
