Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
