This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
