We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize