So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
