just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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