She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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