How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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