Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
