just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
