just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize