I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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