its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They have beer where we have blood.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
