i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
