I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize