She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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