I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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