how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
