Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize