So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
id be glad to
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
