i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
