No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
