You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
