so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
