That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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