Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize