Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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