I think my vagina is haunted
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
