Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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