I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
