I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just gargled with NyQuil
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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