Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
