I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
