Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The best revenge is premature balding
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
