ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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