i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
