Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
