well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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