Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
