Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
