I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
