Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
40s are totally the cure
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize