it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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