would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
