It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
