just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
