Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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