i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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