yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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