My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
